What I did for Love

This week at the Food Bank I received Brown Rice Syrup and stone ground whole wheat flour. I remember working with Brown rice syrup before, when my ex-husband went on a whole food all natural non-processed non-fat nothing that tastes right all substitute diet kick. It has a consistency similar to molasses without the strong distinctive flavor. It CAN be used as a sugar substitute, but I would do so sparingly, and in places where sugar is used for a reaction (like in bread recipes) instead of where sugar is used for flavor like a muffin or coffee cake.

I remember that kick of my hubby’s though. It was a long string of pasty tofu sausage substitute patties, pale yellow-y egg beaters, thick brown soy milk, rubbery cheese substitute, protein powder, soy powder, sugar substitute powder, and put this miracle powder in your food so that you will become skinny because food won’t taste good enough to want to eat it. He would introduce these food adventures such as NutriSlim, Slim Fast, high fiber, low carb veganism to alleviate the guilt he felt for secretly binging on Wendy’s Value menu and  Supersized Slushies from the 7-11. It was his own brand of narcissism that caused him to believe that his guilt plagued everybody, and so, I had to participate in the suffering too.  

I, because I suffer from Good Little Girl Syndrome, would swallow the stuff down thinking that I was being a good and dutiful wife by eating the inedible. Always, I smiled sweetly and thanked him for offering me artificially flavored paste for breakfast. I suppose I believed it would demonstrate supportive loving to him. Maybe I believed that it would help him to love me too. The only thing I do know is that if it is a choice between love and bacon, choose bacon.

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